There has been a great deal of news these days about violent abuse of women by battering. Most of this abuse occurs within family relationships. Batterers are men suffering from an illness, either physical or emotional. Due to the nature of their illness, they do things that are not socially acceptable.

Types of Abuse

Basically, there are five different kinds of violence that can occur: physical, sexual, property, verbal and psychological.

Physical abuse includes everything from hitting with fists and grabbing/shaking to stabbing or shooting.

Sexual abuse is any kind of forced sexual activity. When a person is forced by a threat of violence to have sex, even within marriage, it is rape.

Property abuse includes breaking dishes or windows, kicking in doors, punching holes in walls, breaking objects that are meaningful to someone, injuring pets -- and on the list can go.

Verbal abuse is insidious. It may consist of joking about habits and faults, ignoring feelings, screaming repeated insults, continual humiliation, blaming and name-calling. It often escalates to threats of physical and sexual abuse or desertion. There may even be threats to take the children, or to have the spouse committed to a hospital for the mentally ill.

Psychological abuse is probably the most difficult to describe. It is more than just verbal harassment or name-calling. It is "putting down" in its most vicious form. It includes heavy, continuous mental abasement -- controlling another person's actions, behavior and feelings through threats of harm, punishment, or withdrawal. Psychological abuse is a form of brainwashing, a steady outpouring of criticism and negative feedback.

What then can be done? Denial plays a major role in helping either the abuser or abused avoid admitting they have a problem and seeking help. Breaking through and dealing with denial is the first step in the healing process. If you are in physical danger from abuse, it is imperative that you protect yourself by getting away from the batterer. Call on a community shelter, a clergyman or a friend. Professional help for both the battered and the batterer is essential to recovery.

Treatment for the Batterer

Treatment for the batterer may take a variety of forms, depending on the underlying cause. These causes may include:

• alcoholism;
• stressful life situations;
• brain damage, psychosis;
• sociopathy; or
• learned behavior.

The only way an alcoholic batterer is going to be helped is to get sober and stay sober. Family therapy and a Twelve-Step program will provide the necessary tools for understanding and maintaining a hopeful attitude.

The situational batterers and learned-behavior batterers can best be helped by being referred to a support group for batterers. One caution, however, if any professional you see suggests medication, immediately leave! Find another source of help who deals with behaviors, not drugs.

A good neurologist and a thorough medical evaluation are essential for the brain-damaged batterer. Information about the batterer's anger, explosiveness, accidents or blackouts will assist the physician in making an appropriate diagnosis.

The psychotic batterer needs psychiatric intervention and medication. Treatment of those who are psychotic also requires extensive family participation.

The sociopathic batterer has to want to seek help. Many will not. Many prefer to put themselves at the top of their priority list rather than their families. Sometimes a spiritual approach is helpful to the sociopath. Ask for guidance from your minister. Join a Bible study or discussion group that fits your needs in an emotionally and spiritually healthy manner.

However bleak your situation may appear, the most important message regarding violence in the home is that help is available. This help gives hope that the battering can be stopped and turned around. If your spouse will not participate, get help for yourself. Make the choice to get help today, it will be worth it. Remember, not making a choice is a choice!

Ackerman, Hal (1985). The War Against Women. Overcoming Female Abuse. Center City, MN: Hazelden Educational Materials.